I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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