How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
