I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
