dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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