With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
