all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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