You work out of a Hotel?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
