grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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