it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just invented taco cereal.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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