I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
