alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
