Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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