it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
