I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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