Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
