this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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