i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
