I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
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Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
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I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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