please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
