I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Welp...herpes.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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