I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize