Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
