I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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