I want to have your abortion
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
