true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize