The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
