just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
