I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Quick, to the slutcave!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So squirting runs in the family.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
