She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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