Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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