he puts the penis in happiness.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
