i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
