Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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