there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
