my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
