You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
