I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
