Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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