If i come over, it means nothing
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
