census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
