I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She's JV to your varsity
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
