evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
