we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
