the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
