I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
