i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
