The maid of honor just puked.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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