Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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