u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize