I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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