well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
