You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize