i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.