and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed