i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize