So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
