I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
