You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
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My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.