Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
