Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
