so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
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I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
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I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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