I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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