They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
