Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
